Infernal calling paradise within.....

Ebon is the shade around! Not due the lack of amber; but because of the lost need to be chromatic. A lot is by force, but honestly it is more by choice. The invisible fences have taken over, without me realizing that I am no longer part of supernal but an infernal. The darkness has started pulling me and enlightenment making me feel midget. What have I done?

I am deaf to own self; wish I had the acoustic to hear my own self......but it seems to be late, it seems the little voice is not calling for me anymore, it is the something I miss, I can’t perform the nomenclature for it; but I miss this something, it made me happy, it made me remember people without requests, it.......is it still there? I wish to hear it again! Where is it? Still calling for me or succumbed beneath the masks saying ‘this is rational, this is where it is supposed to be, this is better, this if favourable, this is .......’.

Is it better to be lonely or alone in a crowd? I never wanted to be like this, but you know because of this I have become like this, because of this I am sceptical, Because Because Because!!! I don’t wana justify me anymore. The more I look outside for happiness, the more loneliness takes over inside me. I know it is an illusion, but how do I break the illusion to understand that happiness is enlightenment inside. There is nothing new in this, have heard it a zillion number of times, look inside for happiness, happiness is a feeling, love is neither adjustment or compromise, honesty would bring you peace. I agree! Can we also agree to disagree? That is; we both agree that we could, we would disagree. Then can the truth be changed, can the rising of the sun, called to be a mirage just because the clouds don’t allow you to see it.

Nobody talks rocket science, the most important things in life are basic, easy to differentiate like the difference between black and white. When it is that simple, why so difficult to find? We love to live our lives to the best, claiming to be fully satisfied and intended to be comfortable, with a small tag line below all this saying that ‘conditions apply’. The world made me a thorn and you expect me not to cause pain! It is always easy to pass the blame, what is difficult is to confront! That though I am a thorn I don’t want to add to somebody’s pain.

There is something new for the people talk about love these days it is the ‘caustic love’ it is like I don’t wana fall into to it because it may hurt. Firstly love is when people rise, it is when, and it strengthens them for the better today, tomorrow and a delightful yesterday. If it is decided with days, decided by time, decided by circumstances; it is anything but not love. Let the brawl inside you rise so that it bursts, because when the floods have searched their way back to the sea, they leave behind is a fertile land, no matter how destructive the volcano is, it leaves behind land to rebuilt and live.

Don’t let the small little voice be unheard within you, because the more you suppress the more claxon it sounds, until not heard at all. Ephemeral is we, too short span to keep the grudge, the weight is too much, let yourself be detached from the feelings, don’t forget the lesson, but don’t carry the feeling, degaussed to feel the feeling be a taboo. So that when coup de grace takes over me I have a life to see in a few moments left, it better be worth a watch.

Paradise is right here, don’t let the infernal take over you and disguise you with the absence of the sun.

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If you have pre notions.....the outcome is certain

Let’s start vague, if you have made up your mind that a person is knave, even if that person is not. It does not matter; to you, that person is knave right!!! But your comment, actually that person is knave, how do you know it? Think about it well before you answer. Alright let’s move forward to something concrete. It is not going to work out? You have made up your mind that it is not going to work out, irrespective of one billionth of the possibility! “you have made up your mind”. The outcome is set; it is not going to happen! I remember a few lines I always keep referring to from ‘the alchemist’ “If you wish something from the bottom of your heart, the whole world shall conspire to make it happen” it will! Or it will? If you wish it from the bottom of your heart. Let’s still move a step ahead, what tells you it won’t; isn’t it your brains? Most of the things that are so important are not things and when they are so vital in your life they are from your heart, eureka!

With reference to my previous blogs, I had received a mail long and interesting enough to take an hour actually to understand and revert, finally with the threads of mail I asked one simple question? What do you want? The answer was surprising to me, we want to stay together BUT because of the milieu and stage we are at in our careers; we can’t, so we would have to forget each other!!! I said you have already decided ‘that is it!!!!’ the outcome is already set, that you are going to post your names in the list of people who have achieved martyrdom! ‘But’ is unnoticed increased exposure towards the dusk to never see the dawn again, mind it. I do not say go against and fight for anything you feel like. Just for heaven sake think about it, the same details you recalling now and going through again and again were the same details then as well!?.......if you did not think before, don’t think too much before giving your best and the last shot now as well.

Another amazing apt case I would like to share with you, a boy and girl had no problems, could have happily married without a hassle, but the girl would always come up with an question “You would never leave me and go na?” constantly all the time, out of the blue. Without actual grounds and reasonable reasons eerie are built up and those people broke up, mind it after 4 long years. Whenever there is something special, either you trust or you don’t, it is nothing like 99% whenever things are not cent percent, trust me it is like buying yourself a credit card, all this is for free but read between the lines it says conditions apply.

Try writing on a black board, alright let’s become “mod” the white board, when there are already a million things scribbled over it, you write in some more how easy are you making it to read? Actually no it shall mess all the more. Exactly when you have already decided; ‘exactly’ what to do about an unknown circumstances, unknown facts, unknown human being; you have already locked the doors! Amazing saying “Experience mars experience” if you don’t clean the board before scribbling, it will be a mess and if you don’t write anymore it is no more learning.

“There is no possibility”, people do come up with such bold statements, let me bring across a few milestones, centuries back, earth was flat! Somebody called it oval and got killed, poor Galileo. The poet’s imaginations that love birds would be able to talk miles apart, he would see her here and she would see him there, impossible centuries ago, mobile phones we call it today! There is only one thing which is not dynamic and that is the change itself.

Frailty is not a crime, but lessons learn it. Caprice are sudden, experience it. Heresy is not uncommon; just don’t push it too hard. Holocaust shall happen; if your stakes are with the wrong person. Infernal is nobody but only the person who showed you the gateway to paradise and never took you across. Marred would be there if things were superficial, hearts would be broken if things were just not things. A miracle happens to those who believe in it. Don’t judge too quickly, because there is always your side my side and right side.

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How close is too close and distances apart

Simple as it may be to read, difficult as to answer; common as known to everybody, subjective as a feeling unknown to anybody else. Let’s try to answer this how close is too close? For a person, for a thing, for a want; what says "this is the limit"?

Let try an example before we start taking sides, blame games, it’s the only option; kind of things. You are travelling in a taxi in the rear seat, the love of your life sitting next to you, leaving no distance, even for the air to breath, would you mind that? Generally people would not. Another example you travelling in a crowded bus, there person next to you is like an inch away still you feel uncomfortable? Yes.  One more example you been taunted, by person A you feel offended, the same thing, same tempo everything same the person B says, you don’t mind at all. Being close is a feeling.

We decide what is close and what is not, nobody else can come up and speak for you, it is a feeling borne by only you; because nobody can feel what you can, it is a part of you. You meet somebody and you can discuss your life, like discussing a book; you know somebody from ages, but a simple question where are you up to? Can make you feel like confronting to that person. Is the distance between people to be counted in miles and light years or millimetres and vacuum? It was impossible a few centuries ago to see something happening away from your eyes, we call it television today. We believe so much at times that, this is what I can see, so ought to be the truth, the truth is what you see and what has happened has a difference though of nanoseconds but does exist. The truth may be stranger than fiction.

Being close is like everything else filled with options, you want to be or you don’t want to be. What affects your decision of being close? At times it is more of people around you that decide how close is too close rather than you deciding for yourself. Adding to that are the notions bombarded by these external factors which help you miserably to believe in your own want and apt distance to be close. You meet people everyday some you like, whereas there are a few, who have done nothing wrong but still, you don’t feel comfortable or stay away. It is always easier to run away; difficult to face it; and more difficult to explain to yourself when discriminating that now you are running away or now you are facing it.

Suddenly then this new idea pops up “I need time” is time the deciding factor or the declining factor. There is no surety and no guarantee of anything to be honest, there is only one thing that is constant and unchangeable that is the change itself. Don’t let people over rule you. Don’t turn away from your own feelings. Distance in humans are not measured in miles, they are measured with the distance between their hearts. I do not mean just jump into anything, anytime. It is just that you decide; what is close! What is too close! Or what is the distance apart! Trust yourself before, you trust others, fall in love with yourself, before falling in love with others, decide for yourself, before others deciding for others. No matter who decides what, it is you who shall face it. Take the responsibility to call it your own life.

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Though there is something, you were better......

Missing!!! What people, things, life, yourself? What next? Give them a call, cyber stock them, try to buy yourself some peace; shopping does any help? Temporary yes it does then what next do step 2 again....and it continues. What is that you wanted to be? Was it this exactly what you are into? Is this the best you know? Or still those lonely pair of eyes who are only accompanied by themselves are still searching for more? A high rise building under construction, look at it!!! What’s great? Thought about how cool it would be standing up there? Feeling the breeze and fresh air away from the noises, seems a good idea. Go ahead and do it, standing on the edge, try to feel any of the above mentioned, can you? You would be worried about if you fall? How deep is it? I shouldn’t have tried it. Moral a few things are good and at its best when at a distance.

Irresistible caprice to get things done the other way, to change the view of the world, get somebody back. Could be something like standing on edge of the high rise construction building’s edge; couldn’t be? Lets try the other way, I miss your smile but more than that I miss my own more. Life is not fair, it never said it would be, but few things are always better unknown or be gracious if you have the power to face the truth. What is this all leading to? Lets try another way, whatever you did was not wrong, but it is not what I wanted!!!! So confused how do I get about this? The deal is; did you ever get any of these question? Still makes you uneasy? Now we talking on the same lines.

What do I do? It is irresistible to let go. Its good to be a kid at heart but think about it; always? It is irresistible cause you don’t have anything else. Tomorrow you get yourself a new fad, new toy, just bloody something new. You have forgotten about it until reminded. Was this the same thing you couldn’t let go first? What would have happened if you would have got it back? Would have destructed back again, trust me cause you got it back. Would take it for a ride and then again I am sure I can get it back, just got to try a bit more harder this time. Still a level ahead it would not go anywhere, even if I don’t try. Would be right there, waiting for me; its gone!!! Catastrophe

Colossal as it may seem, conundrum as it is; the only thing, wish or person important is understood completely is when you have lost that thing, shattered hidden wish or person. No, not after a fight or something, not after an argument that is not losing, that are the thick and thins that make it worth living it with. Not the intermediate failures before success.  It is when you see the in the eyes of the person, that you have lost! It is when you see yourself in the mirror and think this is not worth it! This is not what I want anymore! Not a word, you just know it when it is over. You have to make a grave decision at times then i.e. you are good but the I guess I have to forget you(desires, things, people).

Though there is something, you were better far off.

Make sure you have done every bit possible, all the efforts. Cause it is easy to give up, easier to forget more easier to move on, but the feeling you have lost it will stay for a life time. Don’t give up, don’t ever until it is not even your last day but your last breath. Keep going, you are go na do good.

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I'm Surprised

Abrade is my joy, when rationality is seen around to its best. Friendship, love, relations are ad hominem. Fusillade, it seems when a few speak. All I am if not anything else, is I’m surprised!!! Funny things happen and pariah you are if done out of concern. Cold is the weather and now so is my soul. Everything has a meaning, a reason to happen I have got mine as well, but I’m surprised!!!

Penchant I had for my feelings, where I wanted the world to look, the way I wanted to see. It is all different now, this is the learning. Remember saying this all the time, there is your side, my side and the right side. I can see the right side working for me. The illusions that the world looks beautiful cause I see has changed to the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I’m surprised!!!

There is nothing new, nobody can really re invent the wheel, and I cannot. It is not something that never heard before, never passed my mind or something I never knew. It is just that, it is different to hear it when from someone else and different to see when it is you. It has enlightened the way to unknown destination, or the one right there, but hidden under the banner of ignorance is bliss. I’m surprised!!!

Wondering what is this all about? Why is this all about? Is this exactly what I am reading? Actually there can be lot of deviation between what I may be speaking to you. Abysmally amazing that it is only 30% mind it only 30% of the verbal communication that is understood by the other person, the rest is non verbal communication. All we had been trying to do all our lives was to speak well. Between this is not the point, the point is sudden changes have occurred, making me judgemental forgetting the point, that there is nothing right and nothing wrong, what? Exactly just mere circumstances and the decisions in the given situations. There is no happiness and there is no sorrow, just that simple do you want to keep love or grudge in your heart, had forgotten all this. I’m surprised!!!

Whenever we try to be something that we are not, judgements start following us, factual as it may seem true as I believe, when you start trying to judge others, you have lost the knack of judging your own self. Learning new, understanding new, improving according to your own standards and changing because it just the way it is to be done, has a very fine indifference to be understood. It was just what was mentioned above, life seems to be complex, asks us really weird questions, happiness and sorrow start taking over. Everybody seems to be good or bad at different time. Things went according to me good if not as Russell Peters has said a million time “Somebody is go na get hurt real bad” wow!!! How things change within us and we cry the life is unfair. Why? Because we just forget the two colours of life, black and white, try to mix and match, forgetting the fact it can only make it grey. Colours are to be seen and not to be made up. I had forgotten all this I’m surprised!!!

People are different and so is their ideology, so what? Have I given up on my own, little things for a good tomorrow, don’t worry about the future, you can only see it when it is present. Don’t worry about the past; there is nothing you can do to change. Live in the present in such a way, that past seems to be blissful and future looks like the rising sun. Don’t suppress what you feel, not to be said aloud to the world, but to be felt within and not to forget to feel the feeling. Different people care and appreciate different things, be different and appreciate people than only expecting to be appreciated. I had forgotten all this I’m surprised!!!!

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Growth is inevitable.....

There is a cry you get to hear all the time. “I want to grow.....” amazing may it sound, abysmal it may look but the fact is that growth is happening, happening all the time even right now when you reading this. Before we could come near to growth, another closely related term is perception. Just an example, there is a friend of mine. Let’s call him A, A told me that 10 years ago his friend B had asked him to start joint venture for retail products. A could have managed to start off with B, which was not an issue for him. But he did not, now B is very well established, doing really good in life, A claims now, that if I would have joined the venture then I would have been in a better place than I am today. Fair enough, not a problem. Let’s consider the same situation in a different angel. If B would not have done good and could not, so called “Progress in life” than this same A would have been telling me, that it was my good luck or brains or whatever that I did not join him, otherwise I would have lost the money in the venture.

A great man had said “Beauty is in the eyes in the beholder” another great saying is “You shall only see, what you want to” irrespective of what the fact is. This is how perception is, you see what you want to. Getting back to growth, I am sure you can understand by now that growth is a perception. The way you want to see it and what you term as growth is upto you. Canonized we stand for our life, for the good, for battles won, for achievements we receive. Deplore we stand for our mistakes, our shortcomings. Blame it on the errata of God for anything that we think is not growth.

Stages if could say, existence, grow, is growing, grownups. Growth is happening, happening now.....when we breath, with each breath we are growing closure to death. If material world is the growth, the day we are not making money, it is the growth towards the debt. If you say, you not doing a single thing even for an hour, I would like to recall that is the growth inside your body of reducing energy. You cannot return to the time spent. You cannot stop your growth. What is there is the way you want to grow. Don’t go by what people say, it is their job to do that. If you do a felony or a logjam of prosperity, people would talk about you. When acoustical you become to the resounds by the people. Growth would be you and what you believe growth is.

Heresy it is to grow for the betterment for a whole. Growth is happening, is going to happen and cannot be stopped to happen; the deal is how you look at it. When it is inevitable, why not to grow as you want to, rather than hearing as you should be, striving as they believe, you should be, giving up yourself for what they think, you should be. If you have to grow, grow with respect, with grace or with money. But trust me there is nobody who can stop your growth. Nobody asks for doing sins, they do ask for forgiveness. Nobody asks for death, they do ask for life. Nobody asks for pain, they do ask for relief. Nobody asks to be poor, they do ask for wealth. Once you are sure what growth is? and you know what you want from life? as rightly stated in “the alchemist” “When a person desires something from the bottom of his heart, the whole world conspires to make it happen” be sure of what you want, cause it is going to happen.

When nemesis is on its way, there would be seconds before, the whole life you lived would be flashed. Make it worth watching.

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Them n They….

Firstly I am sorry for taking such a long break from writing trust me it was really hard on me as well.

I have landed to the first world, London city. Them and they really have a subtle difference or not at all to a few, but I felt the difference and thought to be shared. When we are they, we always look forward for becoming them. When we could not break the ice to become them we try to get submerged into they completely. Without giving a second thought, that once I wanted to become them. Let me put it to you again. We always want to become something else then what we are, we try and try to become somethingl, if we fail to do it, we become anti matter to it, considered you believe it to be matter.

What has happened? What is this all about? Well to be honest to express it, words fall short to describe. I hope you would all agree to me that feelings are best felt and not explained. A person would learn to drive only when he is on the wheel and not any way else possible. This is a feeling that I felt and felt and felt again only not to understand what it was. There is a difference between them and they, you just can’t become them because you want to or act or think, that by doing this you may land up becoming them, no it does not happen. They is what you don’t want to be, not because you can’t, because there is some indifference you wana make. Not sure of the indifference itself though, but it has to be something.

Misplaced identity crisis, how does that sound wired? Well so it be. So many thought just running my brains without making me reach to something concrete, something to be partial about. Then I wondered why I want to be either of them. The logic was waiting for it’s turn to come forward and say it aloud “Cause human being is a social animal” it always want’s to fit into some place fit into a shelter of comfort. The question is, is that wrong? No there is nothing right and nothing wrong will get back to it some other time. To find a shelter for your comfort zone is benign. Bewitched are we to find the difference between them and they, you would stop feeling it when you stop being they. I would repeat it for you, it is that we are so much stuck, clinging to be they, that we cannot accept them. We all want things to be our way, nothing wrong with that, but the point is, so does them.

It is easy to blame, difficult to accept the deficiency. It is easy to find out problems, difficult to find real solutions. It is easy to be them, difficult to understand that them are they as well. A walk down the street late in the night chilled breeze flowing through the ears, can send shivers or can give you a high. The perception would change only when you look it differently. The most important point here is what do you think for yourself. If you are a good human being it would come to surface. Them and they would not be able to stop you for long. If you are human, them and they would take you as in their stride. If and if only you are what you are, without being a pain to someone, you shall and you will overcome the difference between them and they.

Trust yourself, be the best you can be, do the best to your capability, keeping in mind the larger goal and not to fulfill the demons selfish desires and the world shall bow to you with respect and acceptance. Wait no soul, to tell you to wake up. Wait no foul, to ask for apologies. Wait no end, to ask for a start. Wait no good, to ask for appreciation. Wait no to die, to ask for your life back.

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