The story of the elephant, I guess a lot of us may have heard it before. When a calf elephant is born, he is tied with chains around his feet. The calf tries to escape and everytime, he fails to elude himself from the chains, he goes on trying until he gets tired. After years, the calf become an proboscidian(massive herbivorous mammal having tusk and a long trunk) he is still tied with the chains, we was tied when just a calf, the huge elephant can anytime head for the hills, but he does not do something like that. He believes that the chain would not break free, because it did not when he was a calf, believe is set in his mind. So many believes in our minds cause us to behave and act in a similar fashion. This is about setting yourself free, overcoming the invisible fences, that just keep us holding.
Breaking the barriers is not easy, so is the mind set. A person name it Mr. X was ditched in a relationship with a girl Ms. Y, they got separated life moved on and after some time Mr. X meets Ms. Z things were fine, until avertable lies came in front of Mr. X, suddenly the believe struck him to the spine, those belittled lies, took a massive shape grudges, treasonable, rejected feelings started building up, things took a bad shape and Mr. X got separated again, this time with a heavy heart and more determined not falling into the trap again. He did not for a long time of his life and he realized the opportunity and time lost. He felt sorry for himself then. The feeling it could have been better. What is there that we should realize is, everybody should be given a fare chance to speak up, a few may say I did and it did not stop. I forgot that part of my life but the next person I met was the same. I guess this should satisfy your urge, forgive them, don’t forget them.
Let’s put it all together simply. I forgive them of what they have done to me, but I don’t forget what they have done to me. To forgive is to come over with the feelings of being cheated, rejected and……. But to forget it to avoid the incidence, the person but not over coming of the issues, which would only make it difficult to move on, cause a small strike of match, would bring in a blowup in you and all your grave feelings would erupt up. Do I suggest you to stay with a person who has cheated you over a period of time? No this is not how it has to be. Move to open area of your life stay there for a while until you think that you are ready not for others but for yourself, ready to trust with no baggage on your shoulders of your past. The invisible fences you had made would no longer hold you to feel love again.
This is one of the infinite invisible fences, we all create in our lives, irony is only you can help yourself to get rid of those fences. This strong believe is present with a lot of people around us, with our colleagues, parents, spouse, siblings, ourselves and on …… learn your lesson, forgive them not because you are humble only, but also because they are not worth it. Live right now, feel that your living, don’t let go your life to waste after somebody who was not worth it. Take some more time and try to understand this as well, is your believe correct, or it is correct because it is your believe, the day you are able to distinguish the difference between believing because it is correct or correct because you are believing, you would overcome the invisible fences.
Comments @ aniketjhaster@gmail.com
Hi Aniket !
ReplyDeleteWhat you say is true and for real...but I wonder how would you know you have lost the baggage?
To give an example...you don't know whether you are afraid because of the past or because you can't afford to loose her...How do you distinguish?
Pezan
Pezan, When somebody has continuously let you down, cheated you, I don't think that you should stay with that person anymore,(mind the word continuous not first timers) because it would only hurt you and no one else cause that person is doing whatever she wants to do, so in case somebody is doing that forget it, someone better is on the way.
ReplyDeleteNow is the interesting part, how do you know that person is cheating on you? for some telling a lie is cheating for some going around with someone else is cheating it is very subjective. So what next, first is this really cheating, hiding you surprise birthday party cannot be a lie, so it is not cheating, to see her in compromising positions with some one else is cheating(again it is up to you or forgive because it is a first or not is your decision)
gist: somebody is cheating on you continuously forgive that person cut your contacts and move to your open space, don't worry about losing her, because if she was so interested she would not have cheated you, I hope this survives your second question.
Now the first question: I understand you will never compare your present with your past, in front of her, an easy solution to know that you have got over with your past baggage is, when you don't get the comparing thought even in your head, it does not matter(mind it not ignoring, it just does not exist).
Example: you have broken up but you would stay in contact with her friends, will try to get information about her, still interested what is happening in her life, still calling, waiting for call, you miss her and stuff like that, where remembering a person as you still owe something to her, till that time the baggage has not been dropped, it has to go out of your head(mind it not ignoring, it does not affect in any way) then you are free from the baggage.
Hope this survives your quest, I am obliged by your quests I wish to see a lot more.
The answer to the first question is crisp...but to the second part I would probably rephrase my question...I am unable to distinguish my feelings towards her and more so fear telling her...that I am not understanding is because of my past that i am afraid or just am too afraid of loosing her even as a friend...hope you will think over it and reply...which is both...right and practical...thanks...
ReplyDeletePezan, let's try it this way, close your eyes, think about her and ask yourself do you really love her? can you see yourself now and 10 years down the line to her with the same feelings or with more passion and tenderness.(take time doing this preferably alone, calm and quiet, you should be able to retain your eyes closed for at least few minutes and when you open your eyes if you still deeply feel about her) then you know your answer is yes, if you are short of thoughts and unable to retain glorious thoughts about her I would suggest, wait it will take some more time)
ReplyDeleteOnce you are clear that you love her, you have to ask for togetherness it has to be subtle, but at same time, needs to be communicated otherwise you would always feel dicey about her, that could be the same case with her because she might be knowing what have you been through. This would take more time but let me put it across this way 1. You have to tell her if you love her. 2. Think about it well before committing. 3. She is your friend and she will remain to be one even if you have communicated your feelings otherwise, she would understand.