Sunday, November 13, 2011

Love deprived

Could not help but drove all the roads in history which I never wanted to drive again, I could feel the logjam in my heart again which floods could not move an inch. This beer is not helping anymore nor the smoke, the drive is creating an eery, a penance thirst “Leela”. If I would not have to personify but still describe her it would like A winner may not feel elated but being with her a lost soul could find a direction, an addict could leave his addiction if only once he could just look into those dark black eyes, it could go just on and on and on. “Leela” as mystic her name was, so was she, without a doubt. The clandestine a woman could bury in her heart, it was she who actually made me understand it. The name meant itself, “Leela a way describing all reality, including the cosmic energy”

It was not my fault and it did not matter anymore. It was all over, or that is what I told to myself or that is all I could hear myself saying over and over again. The beauty of her eyes, the long hair till her back, the texture of her skin so smooth, so soft, a touch could ruin her austere beauty. Her talks were like music from my guitar, beautiful; heart touching and absolute pleasure. Ad infinitum was just the limit to tell her how much I loved her; rather than saying it; that is all I could make her feel. It was all shattered with a bitter truth that I wasn’t the one she wanted in her life! The number of years together didn’t mean anything, suddenly my most precious movements; all my efforts; all my love; added with years of my life which under no ‘Foxtrot’ way was come back, the nomenclature was ‘a waste of time’.

My physical strength was did not hold me tight. My world, my pride, my voice, my everything was just in pieces. Unthinkably, uncountable, unreported loss of me; just in pieces, it did not stop. As I walked there was trail that I was leaving behind. The trail of burden with every step felt more on me and weaker I was; as a part of me was falling with those broken pieces of my heart, my soul, myself. Nothing felt important, nothing was ................ it was just blank, empty, vacuum; words that would not utter out of my mouth. Heart beats were gushing down the blood in my veins. I could feel it run through my head. Everything felt wrong and all the wrong was told to me seemed to be right.

Ironically I was dead and alive at the same time. My feelings were hit by the heaven above apocalypse had happened. The people who had warned me at every step, it seemed that their mayhem was true. Much more absolute, than my trust; my belief, coup de grace was only subtle to say what I am. Time moved ahead and so did she. I took ages and for her was just a week. My body felt betrayed as heat of the body was united; but the warmth so satisfy the soul didn’t exist. It felt nothing close to love but obligations to be done. Beauty did not seem beautiful but mass of flesh, invitations and crowd were nothing less than to the intrusion in my personal life felt.

  It is all over and here I stand struck by lightning as if nothing else mattered. The roads were the same but the walk seemed to be alone. The breeze was the same but failed to touch my body. The hands were the same just the gaps started to matter. The body was the same but the feelings didn’t matter. My love was the same but her absence didn’t matter. I am love deprived. All I wanted was a hug and I would have believed that things would be fine. It didn’t matter what it would be, just a simple hug from the billions alive none could give me the hug to say that I would survive. I am love deprived. I am love......


  1. somehow i wish i could hug you for reciprocating my feelings - well said :)
    maybe that inspiration which led you to these beautiful writings is love , something that can never leave you.

  2. It is true you need to be loved, you need to love finally to understand love

  3. Love doesn't really expect or demand , it's all about giving , think over it and do write something on these lines

  4. The articulation of your feelings are very nice. Poetic!

  5. this article is heart touching...but sometimes our heart also do make wrong decisions........

  6. Hi, Aniket,
    I am reminded of sage Vatsyayana who said: It is not the Way, It is Walk.
    – Remi