Thursday, March 25, 2010

Massacred Feelings,

Irony of Life we live here and seek peace in the heaven above, whereas we live here and can only imagine the above, I am lost with random thoughts, issues and worries and somewhere now I know how things can turn from bad to worse but somewhere deep down I feel I am responsible for carnage of my feelings my issues, read this on random feelings, random events one conclusion cataclysm on ourselves, if you have ever felt this not what I meant this is for you.

I am going from downfall in my life an ideal and normal thing to happen in one’s life, cause of blah blah and blah reasons what did I do, I decided to stay unique to it, I can take care of everything by myself to the extent I did not even share is to staring walls, closed doors, violent breeze, sole walk nothing and then the things started changing, things started slipping out of my hands, for no fault of mine, small issues became trigger to my machine gun with ample ammunition, the war got over with people but ailing another war started in my brain(The right or the wrongs, the brain started asking for judgments and justice, for faith and disrespect, for me and my being) difficult to understand but yes our brain takes us from all of this and at amazing speed, I am sure you have somewhere of the other have gone through it.

Then like I was struck by the lightening, shivers went through my spine evoked my feelings deep inside, suddenly remembered everything back the great unwashed(people) who stabbed me in the back for sharing my arcana with them, the people who used me or made me feel used all of them, shattered to myself, crying was not an option and deep in my down inside my heart I wept not cause I could see the daemon events is matter of no time, but cause I could not shed the tear from my own eyes.

But life had to gawk and so did I suddenly there were nothing as right or wrong, the brain did not seek answers but mind could feel at peace, believes subsided and I could feel myself again, what did I do? What was the change? I did not fend anymore I shared it with myself with my being and then things just became things, breeze was not violent anymore but claimed to be the messenger of the trees I know the autumn is to its peak but the spring shall also arrive, suddenly the shivers down my spine were not shivers something more subtle to tell me that I exist, I could realize then, what all had I neglected, denied the peace, the happiness, the being of now for something that has gone or something that I am unsure of(future), the staring of the walls became empathy to me and I could feel myself, my being, my soul, do not detain the drivel in your head cause it will destroy you someday or the other rather open the windows for fresh air and let the garbage be given away not as something as precious, but something as unworthy of keeping to yourself (I am afraid I can’t speak out, speak to yourself, cause it is you who have to listen and share to yourself and not the world) I am sure you would feel at peace here and look for the heaven above.

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