Friday, October 9, 2009

I didn’t wish to have to end this way…..

I really didn’t mean it when things were going wrong you don’t have no idea till the time it has all gone wrong the only question is why? why, the logic becomes stronger than your heart, the truth is more fascinating, agreed, practical than what your heart says, you really don’t need to take decisions, when the world inside you is so contrast that you cannot decide what it is, this is what I have learnt, everything that falls into place, is not that all is true.

Things can just change over a phone call how stupid does it sound, but it is that true, relationships are broken over a phone, is this the optimum use of the technology we have??? Well leaving that aspect aside but how far and fast the heart can collide and explode at times if you really think, it’s funny, think about this, it is all over between us, and the phone clicks and here it goes everything off……amazing that it happens and amazingly people let it happen………relationships were not that important as it is now, friends were not needed as I am in need now, but also when I look back it looked like a same old story repeating itself “I didn’t have friends, I don’t have them and I would not have them in future” and this is how it would function until I change something……I wish I knew that way long back I would not have lost out on friends, I wish I know it today so that I can make at least new and keep them safe for the future…but times change and so do people around you.

We have heard that the time, words spend and spoken cannot turn back now I can completely understand what it means….it’s not that I never knew about it I did honestly I did, but I didn’t bother about it much….and the wheel has turned and here am I understand the meaning and depth of each single word out of the whole sentence, I always thought I had the power to turn around things, always in the mirage that people will turn back to me after a while. I had setbacks, which only made me think it would not happen again, but all the more I moved on with life all the more I realized I was in the state of illusion that I lived and as the dark clouds have gone by my head I see the world far more clear then I could see before I could understand that I have to take the responsibility of everything that is in and around concerning me and my life…..but I still never wanted it to end in this way, I wanted to live more of everybody around me I wanted to live more every bit of it which I miss, which I should have understood which I guess that it would take me time to understand a bit more….a bit more to understand, a bit more reach out the deepest feeling in ocean of feelings around me people have, a bit more to see that things are not always the way it looked, a bit more to see inside me to secrets known but unhidden treasured by weight of ego and social boundaries to be strong, by myself just to become something I don’t even know what when I was running for, when I have reached the point I was giving my life for…..but leaving every bit of it to be called life, but life is far more ahead of me as well and life would be if I would dare to live it, this time with more subtleness, with more patience, with more respect for myself and others, with more of life then worries, I would survive only for the good to happen to make things a more a bit I cherished it would be………but I still never wanted to end to all this, this way.

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