Every heart has a pain only the way of expression is different some hide it in eyes while some hide in their Smile.......

I tried really tried to be an altruist, I succeeded too, but heart made me go wrong and nobody needs to tell me that, deep down I can feel a little pain in my heart. The world would only understand if I would cry out my heart in front of them, that would make me feel better but it would let me down to see them again in the eyes(saying you could not take care of yourself). The guilt is high, the pain is sour and all I wished I could not have got it, all wrong. There is a similarity between all of us we do have a heart, but here would talk about the broken hearts and not the hurting ones, cause they have done it and left, it for the ones still with the impair able pain.

All I can say is that I can feel what is the feeling to be hurt, but you cannot cry I know that too, what do I do? You carry a smile you can see it and call it fake, you want to behave good you do and a bit of offending is hurt to you. Remembering it would have been better if you would not have listened to your heart, priceless. Now what this is the real big question I did not want to get hurt, did not seek the pain, I did seek for some love. There are zillion reasoning’s you start doing with yourselves none can give me the answer me looking for, not because it is not there because you don’t want to see it.

Nothing can bring back the time you lost to make things happen, it has fallen apart I can agree you saying it was not my mistake, it does not matter it has fallen apart, the results is what matters. First things first you have to live.(don’t be coward and run away face it that you have lost the battle) second carry a smile even if fake(people will not look down at you sympathetically making you realize your grave mistake). Third make a commitment to live your life king size(and trust yourself that you can do it.) Listen to your heart it cannot go wrong, the world may make you realize it, but trust your heart again it would help you to move ahead in life(I am not telling you to turn back to the people who have done wrong to you NO, never do that cause they might just take advantage of your innocent heart and treat you mercilessly again). Express yourself not to world but to yourself, cry not to world but in the mirror feel happy not that the world asks you to be, but because you will and you can feel it from your inner self(who is shy of his mistake and walked in the darkest cave only not to return, talk to yourself that it is ok you can come out of it).

Be honest to your heart cause your eyes are a reflection to your inner self, get to see yourself in the mirror look into the eyes and say to yourself I know what you have gone through, but trust me we can get over it, don’t seek friends, nor anybody else seek yourself cause to forgive your own self, is in your own hands and not world around, don’t seek sympathy seek for a new and better cause to make the world feel proud of you, seek happiness inside and move on only for a better living. Carry your smile we forget it as we grow older remember it, you need it as much of it now, as much as you did not, when you were just a kid.

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Invisible Fences

The story of the elephant, I guess a lot of us may have heard it before. When a calf elephant is born, he is tied with chains around his feet. The calf tries to escape and everytime, he fails to elude himself from the chains, he goes on trying until he gets tired. After years, the calf become an proboscidian(massive herbivorous mammal having tusk and a long trunk) he is still tied with the chains, we was tied when just a calf, the huge elephant can anytime head for the hills, but he does not do something like that. He believes that the chain would not break free, because it did not when he was a calf, believe is set in his mind. So many believes in our minds cause us to behave and act in a similar fashion. This is about setting yourself free, overcoming the invisible fences, that just keep us holding.

Breaking the barriers is not easy, so is the mind set. A person name it Mr. X was ditched in a relationship with a girl Ms. Y, they got separated life moved on and after some time Mr. X meets Ms. Z things were fine, until avertable lies came in front of Mr. X, suddenly the believe struck him to the spine, those belittled lies, took a massive shape grudges, treasonable, rejected feelings started building up, things took a bad shape and Mr. X got separated again, this time with a heavy heart and more determined not falling into the trap again. He did not for a long time of his life and he realized the opportunity and time lost. He felt sorry for himself then. The feeling it could have been better. What is there that we should realize is, everybody should be given a fare chance to speak up, a few may say I did and it did not stop. I forgot that part of my life but the next person I met was the same. I guess this should satisfy your urge, forgive them, don’t forget them.

Let’s put it all together simply. I forgive them of what they have done to me, but I don’t forget what they have done to me. To forgive is to come over with the feelings of being cheated, rejected and……. But to forget it to avoid the incidence, the person but not over coming of the issues, which would only make it difficult to move on, cause a small strike of match, would bring in a blowup in you and all your grave feelings would erupt up. Do I suggest you to stay with a person who has cheated you over a period of time? No this is not how it has to be. Move to open area of your life stay there for a while until you think that you are ready not for others but for yourself, ready to trust with no baggage on your shoulders of your past. The invisible fences you had made would no longer hold you to feel love again.

This is one of the infinite invisible fences, we all create in our lives, irony is only you can help yourself to get rid of those fences. This strong believe is present with a lot of people around us, with our colleagues, parents, spouse, siblings, ourselves and on …… learn your lesson, forgive them not because you are humble only, but also because they are not worth it. Live right now, feel that your living, don’t let go your life to waste after somebody who was not worth it. Take some more time and try to understand this as well, is your believe correct, or it is correct because it is your believe, the day you are able to distinguish the difference between believing because it is correct or correct because you are believing, you would overcome the invisible fences.

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Ascetic wants

This is about I don’t want but I want it, something somewhere is just not happening boss, I want this, I can have as well but I won’t have it, silly but true and I am sure a lot of us have gone through this scramble in life which more or less is like, man I am so confused. Have ever felt the same? Go ahead it might just help you to know.

Ok now exactly where is all this leading too, austere and ascetic name it two different, but when together creates the tempestuousness, which could shiver down your soul and still come back and say I am yet to hit you. “Ignorance is bliss” I remember somebody had told me the same sentence on many a occasions but lately is only of what I could make out, either don’t ask for austere(very simple) answers or stop acting ascetic(self denial) to your own self, ok really don’t cock up, let’s put simply, life is difficult (tell me something new) how well have you tried to overcome the difficulty, there are numerous issues lying on the floor, just for someone to skip a feet and to fall on the ground, the bad news is we scatter them on the floor, the good news is it not we alone, who get hurt but the others too.

Want some simple answers to our own made up matrix, simple just be one what you want, if I want love and affection I have to give it(the question is I gave and never got it back, then move on, you have loved the wrong soul and please just to get some, don’t get into the hassle of loving somebody, it more mutual then only give and take) mistakes are inevitable, I would suggest don’t try to become god cause you are not one, don’t only expect things in return because you have given it, at times just stop expecting back, see the world turn around you, cause you feel happy when expect the least.(You mean I should stop expecting) No that is not why I am trying to say, it is like don’t set up your limits for others(it is so difficult to limit your own conscious, think about it you setting for other)so, so you only do as much as you are comfortable doing it and expect a little lesser then what you have done, things would take a shape.

What is this all about, well this is about the two hemispheres created in our heads, name for example, the mind and the brain, now this hurricane inside ourselves occurs when they generally contradict or disagree with each other, why does this happen? Cause the conscious say it mind would say something more ethical then practicality say it brain, suddenly things starts getting complicated, weird feelings starts pumping in, boom the mind is killed the brain takes over and over and over, until the mind comes to life with a bang more stronger then could have thought about, then it is a war as technology progressed the arms became more lethal, so it happens with your brain and you mind, so is the simplicity turns complexity and it all starts falling apart.

How to overcome this situation? avoiding is not something we cant look forward for cause you and I, we know we have got ahead of it, learn your lessons, forgive people for what they have done, but don’t forget them, don’t try to change others, change yourself, if you have been ditched over and over again, don’t ditch yourself, you can be alive all by yourself, cause nobody came tagged along with you came on this earth, try to understand you cannot have company when lifeless, you can stay alone no need to tag to people if you feel ditched, cause your priority is to heal your wounds and not making it complicated by landing into another ditch. Love the self first and that is what you would spread around, don’t cheat yourself and you can look deep down into your eye, I am still alive and move on. Don’t worry for others consciousness, let your own conscious come to surface first. Life would all be simple as we wanted.

I am trying to live again.

Simple incidents leads to amazing insights, only if you are searching for enlightenment. We try and try to have insights whereas the obstinate is insights have to happen, you just cannot buy it, learn it or diddle it, it has to happen and when it happens you feel the enormous solitude and willingness to accept it, to heavy to digest, let this is all flow through you.

The vex caused by the demons in our head, is kind of a parasite it would only be alive till the time you let it cling on to yourself, without you it does not have a life, so why we give the food for the vex to live and take over our sanity of the mind, the probable reason being we don’t know what are we doing, I would put in simpler words, it has a limit, it like you creating windstorm also controlling the power of the windstorm and we do it all by ourselves unknown of the fact at times that we are actually doing it. What do we do, relax it is yet to take control over you, there is always time to set things straight and the time is right now, here and someway it has to start.

The vex thoughts have a timeless existence if we become the part of the thought itself, detach yourself from the thought, it is insane, difficult, unmanageable, cause we think that we cannot stay without it, the direct contrast is that it cannot live without you, try it stop reacting to the thoughts that let you pull towards the darkness behind the bright light, stop entertaining them, try you shall succeed someday, slowly and steadily you can see yourself rising above the clouds no more a hindrance between you and the light, it will be there, thoughts the demons would surely try to attract you, until you feel the light pass thorough you, resonate your inner self, eternal peace, calmness and joy can be felt, let this feeling stick to you as never before.

Then, all that which is uncalled for will leave the body, mind and soul without the burden of grudges, revenge and retaliation, let peace overtake you, absolute solitude is what you can feel, suddenly the dark, lonely path, scary path would interchange itself with rising sun, natural beauty and peace of mind. Loosen yourself, the life is short live it like no tomorrow forget your grudges like they were not meant to be.

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Massacred Feelings,

Irony of Life we live here and seek peace in the heaven above, whereas we live here and can only imagine the above, I am lost with random thoughts, issues and worries and somewhere now I know how things can turn from bad to worse but somewhere deep down I feel I am responsible for carnage of my feelings my issues, read this on random feelings, random events one conclusion cataclysm on ourselves, if you have ever felt this not what I meant this is for you.

I am going from downfall in my life an ideal and normal thing to happen in one’s life, cause of blah blah and blah reasons what did I do, I decided to stay unique to it, I can take care of everything by myself to the extent I did not even share is to staring walls, closed doors, violent breeze, sole walk nothing and then the things started changing, things started slipping out of my hands, for no fault of mine, small issues became trigger to my machine gun with ample ammunition, the war got over with people but ailing another war started in my brain(The right or the wrongs, the brain started asking for judgments and justice, for faith and disrespect, for me and my being) difficult to understand but yes our brain takes us from all of this and at amazing speed, I am sure you have somewhere of the other have gone through it.

Then like I was struck by the lightening, shivers went through my spine evoked my feelings deep inside, suddenly remembered everything back the great unwashed(people) who stabbed me in the back for sharing my arcana with them, the people who used me or made me feel used all of them, shattered to myself, crying was not an option and deep in my down inside my heart I wept not cause I could see the daemon events is matter of no time, but cause I could not shed the tear from my own eyes.

But life had to gawk and so did I suddenly there were nothing as right or wrong, the brain did not seek answers but mind could feel at peace, believes subsided and I could feel myself again, what did I do? What was the change? I did not fend anymore I shared it with myself with my being and then things just became things, breeze was not violent anymore but claimed to be the messenger of the trees I know the autumn is to its peak but the spring shall also arrive, suddenly the shivers down my spine were not shivers something more subtle to tell me that I exist, I could realize then, what all had I neglected, denied the peace, the happiness, the being of now for something that has gone or something that I am unsure of(future), the staring of the walls became empathy to me and I could feel myself, my being, my soul, do not detain the drivel in your head cause it will destroy you someday or the other rather open the windows for fresh air and let the garbage be given away not as something as precious, but something as unworthy of keeping to yourself (I am afraid I can’t speak out, speak to yourself, cause it is you who have to listen and share to yourself and not the world) I am sure you would feel at peace here and look for the heaven above.

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I miss your smile but I miss my own more…..

When you had to make me cry, why you made me laugh before, if you had to go away, why did you come close. I could not think of something more appropriate to start with, then this, cause I miss out people laughing with me, but what I do miss the most is smiling myself. I wish I was a child like again with no worries, more smiles, broken pencils could turn me down, but nothing known as broken hearts, where I used to smile 400 times more then what I do today(a fact an average child laughs 400 times more than an average adult) if you think even you have lost your smile somewhere in the crowd in the name of etiquettes, love, or you don’t even know but you know that you miss something go ahead, it for you.

When we were born, nobody taught us to cry, but we did, nobody taught us to laugh, but yes we did and did a lot freely without even knowing that toothless smile can also bring in smiles to others, but now that we know what is to weep and what is cheer, we hardly do either of them anymore or atleast max in the closed walls with no ears and no eyes, (so when we know what it is we stop doing it? no I would agree to it) weeping in front of people could make us look weak, could harm our so called projected personality so why we don’t shed a tear in front of others , (so you know why we know and still we don’t) when born, when lived childhood, we lived for ourselves and not only for others, now as grownups we live for others and hardly for ourselves, think about it this, you would love to eat the bread with your hands, but cause the person in front of you is using a knife you would do the same, why so, that you are not out casted, you are not somebody looked down upon(True, but deep within your thoughts, deep with yourself)

We smile according to people around, if you really understood a joke and you found it really worth laughing but you see people around and if they have smiles or laughs you continue or you just stop, irrespective you wanted to or not, I am not saying to have an un social behavior change into you, but what I am saying is that you keep you smile then to yourself but laugh out later, so that there is something that you can smile about and completed the smiles you are worth of, after a usual busy day.

Love plays an vital role, or rather viscous role to the smile, you smile not because you want to but to satisfy your partner who would just say you a turn off cause you did not smile, or make a pathetic working day worse in the evening by asking a million questions if you don’t laugh irrespective of you want to or don’t and same is when you cry, what are you doing living for others and not for yourself and then one fine day the person goes from your life then you take out all the baggage of smiles but then it has defoliated to cry, burst out with nothing much better then tears for you but water for others and then there is hunt for some shoulder again, why when the smile is yours so are your tears, the problem is cause you always shed or smiled for others even today you need others.(why you doing this to yourself why are you not living for own self)

“the world looks the way you perceive it” and all that you imagine is to live for others, it is not how you look but is how you perceive it and if you perceive happiness inside you would spread it outside, whereas if you perceive sorrow so would be the case, so be comfortable yourself, be happy yourself and then spread the word cause what you will feel from inside so what you will be spreading outside, be contented, satisfied inside and then you would be able to do it for others.

Smile the smiles for yourself and you would not miss them for anyone else.

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I wish I could die

I can’t think of anything else, anything better, it is what I am feeling right now, I don’t have grudges against anyone, I don’t have feelings to stand and fight for anyone anymore, I just fell I should, I should die……………………………

Powerful, flawless, trustworthy, betraying, hopeless statements, yes just statements, that makes us take such decision, the ego to prove the point, does not matter if it costs their lives, a lot of people say I want to die, cause they have not risen up in the morning to see the rising sun, but stood there at the dusk to see the sun set. Never helped anybody in life, when needed but cried all the time for not being helped, others land up saying all my life, all I have done is given up to somebody for something so I have nothing to give but to give my life, I have a question did you actually give or you just gave that you thought should be giving, it might be everything from your end but all that the other person needed was two good words to be said, then done, at time, did you do that ??? majority the answer is no, we just did what we felt should be done, without taking into consideration exactly what the other person needs and then saying I cant live anymore, I cant give anything else(boss all you have done is all you did, lost in your own world without trying get out of your cocoon but yes you want to die, so I would not complain much).

Another a very positive way of leading life try to die once and live life like an emperor always, what a life, I could say think again they would treat you like god n goddess but you are not even close to it, they would not make you unhappy out of love but would not do it either out of fear or guilt, you say you leading a life I would say leading a life on the empathy pieces thrown by others, to the extent, that would only fear them and you would laugh over their sheer love for you,(well I would not complain much cause you want to die, I would not give you that, what you are worth of).

It takes only 3 seconds before you decide do you really wana do it, think about it this way, you are standing at the top of heighted unconstructed building near the big window, suddenly something grips into your head and you jump, the result is obviously known, you would say this act is insane, those 3 seconds decides what is sane and what is insane, but by the people this insane act is done to prove that they are sane(but what’s the point you are dead), this is now a days the in thing probably, students facing difficulty to move ahead with the examination, mature people out of so called monetary issues, love birds just to prove their points, hell no you just proved your point but you are dead and now you cant do anything about it, my quest is why to waste your life, which is not worth anybody else could not deal, understand, attach or detach from you, hell no this is not what life is all about(well I would not pursue you much cause you wana die, obviously you think it will sort all the issues I would not say much to pity on you)

It is courageous to commit a suicide, cause you could see yourself and still beg for more, but it is all the more courageous to live it and live like nobody else could have thought for you, be there to see the sun rising rather then forgotten under eclipse of sunlight, you would not be remembered, you would not be thought about, you would not be what everybody thought once upon a time that you are, you would not get to live what you could have, if you were just alive.

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