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Love deprived

Could not help but drove all the roads in history which I never wanted to drive again, I could feel the logjam in my heart again which floods could not move an inch. This beer is not helping anymore nor the smoke, the drive is creating an eery, a penance thirst “Leela”. If I would not have to personify but still describe her it would like A winner may not feel elated but being with her a lost soul could find a direction, an addict could leave his addiction if only once he could just look into those dark black eyes, it could go just on and on and on. “Leela” as mystic her name was, so was she, without a doubt. The clandestine a woman could bury in her heart, it was she who actually made me understand it. The name meant itself, “Leela a way describing all reality, including the cosmic energy”

It was not my fault and it did not matter anymore. It was all over, or that is what I told to myself or that is all I could hear myself saying over and over again. The beauty of her eyes, the long hair till her back, the texture of her skin so smooth, so soft, a touch could ruin her austere beauty. Her talks were like music from my guitar, beautiful; heart touching and absolute pleasure. Ad infinitum was just the limit to tell her how much I loved her; rather than saying it; that is all I could make her feel. It was all shattered with a bitter truth that I wasn’t the one she wanted in her life! The number of years together didn’t mean anything, suddenly my most precious movements; all my efforts; all my love; added with years of my life which under no ‘Foxtrot’ way was come back, the nomenclature was ‘a waste of time’.

My physical strength was did not hold me tight. My world, my pride, my voice, my everything was just in pieces. Unthinkably, uncountable, unreported loss of me; just in pieces, it did not stop. As I walked there was trail that I was leaving behind. The trail of burden with every step felt more on me and weaker I was; as a part of me was falling with those broken pieces of my heart, my soul, myself. Nothing felt important, nothing was ................ it was just blank, empty, vacuum; words that would not utter out of my mouth. Heart beats were gushing down the blood in my veins. I could feel it run through my head. Everything felt wrong and all the wrong was told to me seemed to be right.

Ironically I was dead and alive at the same time. My feelings were hit by the heaven above apocalypse had happened. The people who had warned me at every step, it seemed that their mayhem was true. Much more absolute, than my trust; my belief, coup de grace was only subtle to say what I am. Time moved ahead and so did she. I took ages and for her was just a week. My body felt betrayed as heat of the body was united; but the warmth so satisfy the soul didn’t exist. It felt nothing close to love but obligations to be done. Beauty did not seem beautiful but mass of flesh, invitations and crowd were nothing less than to the intrusion in my personal life felt.

  It is all over and here I stand struck by lightning as if nothing else mattered. The roads were the same but the walk seemed to be alone. The breeze was the same but failed to touch my body. The hands were the same just the gaps started to matter. The body was the same but the feelings didn’t matter. My love was the same but her absence didn’t matter. I am love deprived. All I wanted was a hug and I would have believed that things would be fine. It didn’t matter what it would be, just a simple hug from the billions alive none could give me the hug to say that I would survive. I am love deprived. I am love......

Silence or sound what is nonchalance?

A world full of deplored enmesh! (Ok that must have been a heavy start; let’s try to put it across simply). A world full of lack of mutual respect accompanied by a feeling of intense dislike meshed up together. (This is far better and easy to read). Surprisingly this is how life is! We make it complicated, fabricated, complex and meshed structure so that it looks beautiful (or at least sounds like). Whereas what is easily understandable are simple things; put simply across. A few bold statements ‘life is a teacher which comes without a manual of instructions of “how do we live?”’ then ‘growing old is happening, growing up is optional!’

I guess we have firmly put a firm foundation; and even if you don’t agree with the bold statements that I have written. I am sure you can still read ahead without any aversion (not that now I have posted the blog we can do anything about it, but Just in case). A question is being brought to surface and here it comes; does silence kills or the noise? Practically both are disastrous (which was not the fact before, but strangely there is ultra sonic weapon created, wherein noise can also cause serious injuries to somebody. Science and its uses wow). But speaking on personal front, think about it! What is actually is difficult decipher?

Obviously to me the silence, cause you spend a good time of life thinking about what went wrong #!@ where as when it is noise you can try to reason it out. I repeat try to reason it cause many a times, baseless is the word for encumbrance (but one should not lose hope). Silence does not allow you to crack down the actual cause; but lingers a logjam feeling of ‘whose go na be the millionaire’ it can be brutal, time consuming and can be taken for granted. Do what you feel like, it does not matter! (That was not the idea, but people do the best what is convenient to them) So; amazing small things over a period of time never said aloud; creates a vacuum (battle ground) for big, huge and Brobdingnagian issues. Actually whose trail lasts or are present in small, little, micro events happened some ages back.

Whereas noise; can be painful to ears and disturbing to the heart to somebody. It will always tell you what it meant, or the cause of it or ok there is a problem we need to talk about. It is safer way of dealing with issues and things. Think about it this way say there is a naughty child and is locked in a room, you will be comfortable till the time the naughty tike is making some noise. You would be confronted with curio if there is no noise coming from the room (because then you don’t know what’s happening). Similarly it is easier to fight a devil which is unknown.

People avoid and people run (though people should be running in the gardens with fresh air in the morning; people run away from confrontations and brutal discussions). Whenever it is seen that two people are unable to come to a common ground or an agreement instead of accepting that it can be agreed upon, people have funny ways of dealing with, stay mum(we talked about silence before), avoid the topic completely, ‘sorry’ I mean like c’mon it is a discussion of differences and not apology request. The end result the issues remains untouched; communication gap increases, ‘sorry’ does not have any value because the value of nonstop without a meaning perpetually repeated ‘sorry’; has the same value as much as salty water in the sea.

There is this saying ‘choose the devil that is known to you’, I would actually agree with considering that both silence and noise can be disastrous. Silence kept to the grave cannot bring the truth and noise said too loud will only cause deafening to the ears. Choose your way, take your stand, use you head and do what feels correct to you, because no matter what; you cannot keep everybody happy in the world and trust yourself and your decision it is least regretful doings in the journey called ‘life’.    

Fears Festivals & Rituals my take....

What was the whole idea of building rituals? If I may; some 2000 years back (I know that we have the history which is much older that we carry, but name sake let’s consider 2000 years). Human race being not that disciplined (though not much has changed today as well) were to be disciplined so that we stand out of the animal race which we did. How do you discipline then? Who will the people fear and make them stick to the course? Well that is when the rituals were formed to discipline one (or apocalypse would take over, by the evil of course; lol). Ok done; but there are many ways to eat food, right! (Spoon, hands etc.) So to avoid conflict and use of different ways; the rituals and ‘how’ should they be carried out were jotted down (some piece of work huh!).

I hope we are still on the same page and the acoustic is not being obstructed. The society was fragmented; obviously communication was not a click away and easy. Law & order was an issue, as it is being said ‘that justice delayed is justice denied’ transportations were not with fuel and jet engines beneath their seats (basically there were no aeroplanes). Then how would people do the right thing within the frame work of the society? To deal with such cull issues rituals were born. Now when things are in law & order how would people come together, why would they meet and greet each other? What is that that would make them a society? The festivals were the answer.

As with years evolution or phylogenies or whatever took place.  Human being is a greedy animal and lazy too (you doubt this, check out all the inventions just to reduce human effort and work, think through pressing the pedal of the accelerator takes you miles! What effort did it take?) Human being has created everything to suit ones convenience and ease. Rituals are no different where it is too much just cut it short to suit the time frame. For example why is diwali celebrated? And the actual essence for which it was instigated is long forgotten; now it is becoming more of a fad or bursting crackers and if nothing else but pollution! #$# !

The ‘oil dia’ (lamp) is to be lit, the idea behind lighting the oil lamp is something completely different, but today it is more of fancy lights that are convenient and effortless. Can you light an electric bulb with another electric bulb, but you can surely light oil lamp with the one lit. The idea is to spread knowledge and warmth to others, do we know? Why do we do what we do? With the ages people have only forgotten to ask; consequently rituals deteriorated, without the proper foundation built which is resulting in a fragile building. The complexity and ignorance added with arrogance has built up a state wherein people ask questions like ‘are the festivals good or bad? Or are they necessary? Or oh good one more holiday!’

The relevance is to be understood before we bedevil our age old culture. Rituals should not hamper the culture that has been inculcated, incorporated and have sustained the test of time and time again. I am not saying to blindly accept it as well, but before taking a decision can we try to understand the essence; the cause of existence; the authenticity; the reason; etc. think about it. Take what is relevant to you, that suits your taste and lifestyle, trust me there much more than that works and is relevant still today! I will tell you why me even saying to find out, how many of us have felt lost, lost track, failed to reason of doing what we doing! Or just why should we do what we are doing (festivals, rituals)?

We have no time, but completely free; we have no time to talk, but bbm (what’s app or whatever) is always on, we have no friends, but tons of acquaintances to fill a hall. The sense of direction, the cause to join together as a society is to be brought to surface. Rest I may have repeated it in previous blogs but I would like to bring it to notice again ‘Teri barbadiyon ki mushwaren hai aasmano mein, na badloge toh mit jaoge ae Hindustan walo teri dastan bhi na hogi dastano mein’. Fear will not led people to come together but trust, mutual respect and motivation would.

Who else is above the ‘LAW’?

The mens rea followed by the corrupt politician was like just not enough! That to jut out we have many commoners and un-commoners that adds to the trail list in the mayhem rectitude above the law. Azad hind express the train that runs from Howrah to Pune, there is a stop in between called Nagpur. To the issues pertaining already in the country call is ‘whatever’ movement; the trains from Howrah are running perpetually late. The train was already late 6 hours 30 minutes obviously ‘not cool’. There was a bunch of boxers in some army regiment who were travelling as well, in 3^tier AC compartment. These were no less than 35 in number, boxers as the sport suggest; not the kind of people you would like to land up in a fight with.

These so called sportsmen were drunk, the whole wagon smelled of liquor. To the top it up these boxers had fidgeted with the females in the compartment. They surely reported it to the police. The train hopelessly tried to get running three times; and three times the chain was pulled. The delay was only delayed. The women had to say that these people need to be out of the train so that they can continue the journey. 

There were cops, somebody from the army huge ‘tamasha’ the complaint after cogent efforts was written down. The copy of the same was another issue, leaving all the things and details aside. The person who was trying to fight for all this the cops themselves tried to take him out of the train. Why? You are doing that to the commoners. The so called ‘boxer’ was settled in another wagon wherein an officer guaranteed that shall not be able to leave the wagon and create any more mess.

Out of all the government machinery army or defence in general; is one of the most reputed organisations in India. Is this to be expected from the defence personnel’s? This is just one of the instances. Traffic signal hopping and jumping over the signals is like a fad, the traffic signals are meant to be followed, even if the roads and empty which really does not happen much. The cops catch up while talking on the phone and jumping the signals and the usual thing to the cop “you know who my father is?” At times it is like I wish to ask don’t you know who your father is? But keeping these aside, the gist is who else is above the law? As far as I know Ambulance, fire brigade and police in case of emergency are allowed to jump signals where are all these newbie’s coming up from?

Few find joy and are proud of jumping signals and getting free. So now if I recall the corrupt politicians who cannot be charged are above law, the nippers of a son of a gun is above law, the so called people with some political connection is above law,  any law strictly applied in an organisation is an atrocity to the people in quota’s; obviously they are above the law, the billionaires with frauds and scams are free and above law, the big gangsters with some hanky panky contact is out free on the roads obviously above the law, the defence (yes I agree they have a different law that is applicable to them only) but still. There is a list that has come to surface of the people / bodies / commoners / un-commoners that are above the law. 

Not to forget the least the police, who act as the custodians of the law; whose primary responsibility is to maintain law & order nay to say; well let’s not get in to the details. Who else is to be added to the list any suggestions? A lot of people would not turn up to say that Foxtrot Union Charlie Kilo law I will break it as well; but let me remind you my friend. The one who can complain about it is the one who have followed it. You stop your vehicle on the signal and others would follow you. Everybody’s responsibility is no one’s responsibility. People look for a leader, be the change to see the change. Abide by the law so that others are compelled to be under the perimeter of the law of the land. Either by choice or by force. 

What you say?

It is an experience felt with many discussed in few; it is actually a life turning and churning experience to be honest. Hypocrites with sugar coated sweet talks and mens rea if not any less; what all they can do is talk the talk rather than walk the talk are like demigods; supernal. On the other hand honest and conducive intentions for the better meant of the whole are primarily outcasted and infernal. It is common notion to increase communication gap, stress on everything else except the objectivity of the issue. The delivery of an issue is more important than issue becoming nasty to be dealt with. Welcome to the marketing world built in families and closed ones. How many would remember a talk within the family? The days have changed; family time is considered to be watching the idiot box together, going and coming together for social commitments. To succeed; mayhem the other one with the efficient sweet talk and nobody would be blamed as well (What amazing use of the brains).

With all due respect to the Indian culture; it is uncouth to communicate between the generations. Only to add to the icing on the cake, the unwritten laws and incompetent people ask their respect; which do not have any basis and foundation. Avarice pulls the relatives near ones and not near ones together. But respect them and the talks should only be soothing to one hearing than the actual truth and hard facts; never the less to be in favour of what the other person wants to hear. Strange but true as the communication which has not ever happened before (on a personal level), but according to the wimps and fancies one is expected to behave and talk and keep in the limits no matter how unfair the issue. Why should I? Because it needs to be that way! Why should I? Don’t overstep your boundaries! Why should I? You are no less than a disgrace! One last try why should I? You are not worth talking, you don’t understand.......

The fact is the custodians of proclaiming respect don’t have reasons, everything is to ones convenience; convenience of the self proclaimed worthy people. It is only apparition but nothing more. The honesty would lie down on the grounds only to be buried under the dirt, accumulated over the years. Selfish motives and traits to act smart are the curriculum taught to the young generation. A few accept adapt and excel, a few lay relax and understand, a few who do want to make their personal lives as the parliament on India don’t fall for it. The losers in today’s world are the ones who fall in the last category. The winners are the one who excel and cope de grace the ones who lacked.

All these are not something new to talk about and surely it might sound like the daily soups that we are confronted to everyday and day after day without a break. The responsibilities are turning only liabilities.  The people who have cooed the skill of delivering are the winners. The crux and the multimillion question arising is do I join the band wagon? Am I supposed to turn myself from the less worthy to the only worthy? And is this the only and sustainable way to be with the closed ones, be it family; be it friends? I would wish you linger around with this thought. The truth is as shared at large with many; is that only winners say; make a difference. Is this the only way to be a winner? Do I join?

Rebuffed citizenry

How much are we hearing the Jan lokpall bill? How much are we able to hear about Kiran Bedi, Anna Hazar or Kejriwal? For second thoughts; is everything in media or the general public forgotten in a brandish? When it is there, it is the only thing that is there; and then it evanesces (and gone for good, bad actually obscure disappearance takes place with no closing). Are we actually used to ‘chalta hai’? And even if that being the case when does it seem to stop? Loads of questions right, but think about it! When the fasting by Anna or Ramdev and again Anna was on that was the only thing as left on earth to discuss about. Go to office that story is the first greeting, go to see friends they would talk about it, see the news (Oscar Mike Gold; the number is increasing; every minute detail was a news) walk by and you can over hear the people talking about it. Now what?

Are you trying to tell me that so many people who had come together have been given a capsule to ‘forget partial memories’? New problems, old solutions or old problems and new sham statements. Everything is actually crystal clear; the end notion is nothing happening (tell me something new). This dialog we have heard a number of times in our movies ‘have you ever seen a corrupt politician being charged of their doings?’ well let’s not stretch this. But one last multimillion question to be asked ‘has the media also forgotten about it? Or it made sure that don’t talk about it?’ ssshhhh koi hai.

Let’s talk something new now borders are under a threat! Ok tell me something new about it again, well the new thing is that before they were a threat only at the borders; lately it has been found out that they are entering our territory and making their presence felt by marking the stones. I guess basically creating a landmark map don’t you think? It is kind of important and of great concern that the cities, the borders are not being appropriately guarded. Will we wake up again when it is too late or till then ‘chalta hai’ would continue.

It is not that I have forgotten; it is not that I don’t care; it is not that I can’t do anything about it; it is au found ‘chalta hai’ my question is how long? Scams and the moolah consociated is just a number now; it only starts with crores and ends with lined up zeros behind it. There is no blame game here I want to bring to surface let that be to the politicians. Here I am to bring about a fundamental question do we want to change? Corruption is adept when it for me; but a curse when for the public! Well is that how we plan to fight corruption? Is it the reason that there was the wave where everybody was together standing for it, but now we stand fragmented?

Loads of questions asked let’s try to seek a few suffice solutions. We should be able to understand what we are standing for! (Yes we are talking too much and feasibility is too little, not that it cannot happen; is it sustainable and fair at large, should be the point of determination). The Government is trying and making everything electronic lately the service tax etc. etc. shall be paid electronically (the concerned should take out time attend training and actually help them to come up with valuable and specific issues so that they can do their bit). You have a right to seek information and officials have duty to provide the same (sitting on their head and getting the information on the spot is not a lasting solution as far as I see, persistence is the key). As greatly, wisely said ‘be the change you want to see’ change might not come as the whole that we want to see, change is what we need to do our bit for it.

One statement that was made by one the Judges of India some time back apt and apt is the only word I can say “Watan ki fikra kar nadan; teri barbadiyon ke mashware hai aasmanon mein, teri barbadiyon ke mashware hai aasmanon mein; Na samjhoge toh mit jaoge e Hidustanwalon; teri dastan tak na hogi dastano mein” If we fail to act now, me may run a risk never to act again.